What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
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