What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
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