What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
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