Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
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