What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
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