Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
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