I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
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