Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
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