What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
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