What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
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