Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
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