What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
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