What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
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