What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.