What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
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