What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
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