What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Go to BabaMail
