What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
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