Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
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