Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
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