Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
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