Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
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