What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
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