What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
The sun is just a big space heater.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
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