My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
The sun is just a big space heater.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Go to BabaMail
