I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
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