Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
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