My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
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