What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
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