What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
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