What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Ah! The element of surprise.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
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