Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
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