My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
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