The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
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