What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
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