Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
To get to the other tide.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
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