Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
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