Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
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