Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
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