You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Air resistance is a real drag.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
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