I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
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