What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Biology - It grows on you.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
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