Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
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