What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
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