Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
The superconductor left without resistance.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
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