What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
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