Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
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