Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
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