How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
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