What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
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