What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
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