My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
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