Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
The sun is just a big space heater.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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