Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
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