What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
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