I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
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