What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
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