When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
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