After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
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