What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
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