When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Air resistance is a real drag.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
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