King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
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