What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Ah! The element of surprise.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
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