Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
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