My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
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