Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
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