What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
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