Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
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