My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
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