How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
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