Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
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