I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
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