Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
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