Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
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