How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
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