Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
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