The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
The sun is just a big space heater.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
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