What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Biology - It grows on you.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
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