Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Air resistance is a real drag.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
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