What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
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