One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
The sun is just a big space heater.
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