Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
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