Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
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