Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
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