Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
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