What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
To get to the other tide.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
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