Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
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