What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
To get to the other tide.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
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