Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
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