Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
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