How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
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