I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
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