How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What is the study of real estate? Homology
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
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