Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Go to BabaMail
