What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
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