Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
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