Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Biology - It grows on you.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
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